Sky High Heels

Shoes. I love shoes. I specifically love "high" heels. A few of them can be found on my Instagram because they're the prettiest things I own. For those of you who don't know me (which could be all or none of you readers), I own roughly 50 pairs of shoes. I had to find this out when one of my students at the end of the year thought that was the most important question she could ask me just before her exam. I think that every single day is the perfect excuse to stand out from the ordinary. Thus, I'm often dressed to the 7's, if not the 9's, and shoes are ALWAYS a favourite way to make myself noticed. Now some (my mother) may say that I have a "problem", and others (crazy people who I need to rid from my life) say that I have too many of these beautiful/torturous (more on that later) creations. I disagree. I have a great deal of opinions and never figured out that whole 'short and sweet' thing, so kind of sorry for how long-winded I will get with this first post.

Statements I often receive about my choice of footwear are; "WOW!", "Ummmmm...", "How can you walk in those things?!", "I'd break my ankle, leg, neck, in those things.", and "OMG, I love your shoes!" I often have to explain that I've been wearing high heels since I was two, and then immediately have to explain that, No, I wasn't in any episodes of "Toddler's and Tiaras", but rather I had a wonderful habit of breaking into my mother's closet and playing dress-up in her heels without her knowledge/permission.

Thankfully, all of those years of practice have given me great balance and posture. I have absolutely never, not once, fallen down in a pair of high heels. I have been dropped while wearing them, but that is hardly my fault. I can run, jump, climb, and dance in shoes ranging from any height of the lovely ballerina flat to the my tallest of six inches. I am normally five foot five, so on occasion I quite enjoy becoming five foot eleven. I love to, literally, tower over my mother who is normally one inch taller than I am. She loves to have me clean on top of the fridge and reach stuff down from the top shelf for her in my shoes.

I love my heels so much that I can't ever imagine myself with a guy who is anything under six feet tall. You may think this rude or shallow, but I have had a lot of experience with shorter men telling me that I cannot wear high heels around them. Those are not men I want in my life. This isn't shallow because I have also had men much, much taller than I, demand that I not wear heels because "I am too intimidating"; and therefore, "unattractive." If you can't handle me in pretty shoes, then I can't handle you and your stupid attitude and opinions.

For those I love, I will gladly loan out my shoes for whatever occasion they need them for. But I'm certain they know that if they damage them, their ass is grass. Not actually, I love you ladies so much! You would just owe me a new pair of equal value. Unfortunately, my family members are the only women in my life who do not have the same size shoes as I. While my niece drools over my collection, my sister shakes her head in faux disgust at my "stripper shoes" (even though we own many of the same pairs), and my mother wishes I wore more sensible shoes or at least some a little lower that she wouldn't risk her life in. At the same time, she also wishes I were wiser with my money and not always spend so much on "unimportant" things. To which I have devised creative explanations of how new shoes keep showing up in my closet. I have used excuses like a guy bought them for me to get my attention (which would totally get my attention, BTW gentlemen ;)), I have told her they were a "you're such a good friend" gift from girlfriends (also a totally acceptable gift idea, ladies), or trying to appeal to her frugal side and explain that these $100-ish shoes only cost me $20! WOW, isn't that such a good deal Mom?!, often I just try to convince her that no, I've totally owned these for over a year. Scold me if you wish, slander my name for deceiving my mother, but I just love them so much and definitely need them.

Now earlier, I described high heels as "torturous". This is rarely the case with me, but there are circumstances where they can be too much. Say for instance, I work ten hours in them. Then yes, they hurt. But thankfully my current occupation lets me sit a lot. I'm very good at sitting. That may negate the need to look nice, as I'm behind a desk a lot, but I do stand... sometimes. I can dance all night and then walk home in any height of shoe. What I cannot do, apparently, is stand all day in a hot and crowded room and then try to walk across campus. I had to take my white pumps off during my grad ceremony and then again afterwards. My friends and I walked all over U of A campus barefoot because it was too much pinching to bear. I can manage just fine with people stepping on my toes , it's happened so often that I've become numb to the sensation (this might be a condition I should get a physician to look at?). The absolute only thing I refuse to do in high heels is work in restaurants.

That is the STUPIDEST profession to insist that (only) women wear high heels while at work. Teaching? Sure. Admin? Why not! Fancy doctor? You do you. Stripper? Only for a while ;). But Waitress?! Hell no! Disagree with my opinion if you want, but wearing high heels should not be mandatory in any profession, especially waitressing. There are far too many variables that create a risk for, again only, women. A waitress could slip on a grease, food, drink spill, they have to navigate tables and customers, and things are always breaking in a restaurant. It can be rough enough wearing heels just for fun, never mind at work. In addition, working in a restaurant is hectic and occasionally dangerous. Why else do those in kitchen have specific safety shoes that they should wear? So then, I ask you restaurant owners, why do some you have mandatory dress codes that require you FOH (front of house) staff wear high heels? I worked in one such establishment. You can't deny that this is not you policy because I have a copy of the dress code and it clearly states all FOH staff MUST wear shoes with at least 1.5 inch heels to at most 3.5 inch heels. Some women are not good at wearing heels, some women are, and some women will trip over air while barefoot. Only a man would insist that a women risk her safety and health for the pleasure of other men. There have been numerous case as of late in the media about women exposing the policies of the restaurant companies they work for, where they are required to wear heeled shoes. All companies have attempted to deny those claims, stating that it is not mandatory but an option. Obviously, they do not like what is being said about them because they are guilty rather than innocent as they claim. Those women who have reached the media have stories of broken nails, or toes, bleeding feet from sores, blisters, or glass related injuries. Their legs, feet, and backs hurt from the added stress of the shoes and from working long hours on stupid tiled or concrete floors. Some women have even experienced stress fractures. Myself, personally, after numerous overtime shifts on week, I noticed that my two big toe nails were looking particularly dark. I thought perhaps I had bruised them somehow, customers stepping my toes?, or maybe I stubbed them too many times. Disclaimer***** This might be gross for some of you. I went to the doctor and he informed me that the nails had detached from the nail bed and the darkness was blood pooling between the toe and nail. He had to drill holes through my nails to relieve the pressure and let the blood drain safely. I ended up losing both toe nails. Thankfully, the white shirt he was wearing that day was not ruined by my toes. However, my lovely boss told me that I still had to wear heels because that was the rules. I lost my nails and was literally bleeding into my shoes, but I still had to wear three inch heels.

Another risk with high heels in a restaurant setting is that you are more open to sexual harassment/assault. While typically, you are already an "object" to some men/women (I'm not sexist), it is worsened as a waitress. Your job is to literally wait on them, to give them what they want and their desires are often fueled by alcohol. Now certainly this is not the case with all people but some establishments cater to individuals who expect boobs in their face and asses to squeeze. Even "family friendly places" have these issues. At the place I worked at, our clientele was "rig pigs". Girls always had to dress as if they were going out on a Friday night with full hair and makeup. Well on numerous occasions I was groped and accosted, due to my inability to run away on slippery floors in heels. The worst occasion was when a group of men waited at my car at midnight for me to get off shift and then surrounded me hoping to get my number for their buddy. In my heels on that wet pavement and in the dark, there was no way for me to make a speedy exit so I had to give them a fake number and slowly back away to the door for a kitchen boy to escort me to my car once the men were gone. I told my boss what happened and he kindly replied, "Well, what did you expect to happen?" In his mind, it was my fault for being dressed the way I was around those kind of men, when both things were his doing.

Fucking hate that guy and that job! (No, I'm not apologising for my language). I quit that place at the end of the summer and will gladly never work there again.

If men think that me, or any other woman must dress in a certain way to please them and profit from our safety risks, then they can go suck something gross. Furthermore, they can do so in heels. Have a taste of their own medicine. It's only fitting since high heels were originally worn by wealthy men. Nowadays they are viewed as a feminine clothing item, and if a man wants to wear them, you do you bud. But for those who insist we wear them, retribution pal.

All in all, throughout this long winded post (I didn't know I was THIS passionate on some matters with shoes, nor that it would get so political. Sorry!) I love shoes and if you love them too, wear them, but only when you want to. Want to know more about my opinions or the history of stuff? Just ask! Want me to be eternally grateful? Buy me shoes!

-Lady Lynnsy <3